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Prefacing this review, I must state in the spirit of full disclosure that Dr. Linda Sherby is a colleague, whom I admire for her sincerity, dedication to psychoanalysis, and contributions to the field, even though we disagree on some theoretical and clinical issues. I mention our disagreements since their existence enhances the power of my stating that Love and Loss in Life and in Treatment should be required reading for all therapists.
Loss, be it physical, physiological, emotional, developmental, or psychological, can be seen as the one inevitability in life, yet all too often it has been treated in a sterile, intellectualized manner. There are string quartets, as well as analysts, who have “perfected” technique yet miss the point, since the heart and soul are absent. Sherby, by integrating the loss in her own life into her book, including clinical vignettes, brings the core element, the heart, back to center stage.
What is clearly evident, beginning in the Introduction, is that Sherby is a very gifted writer. While she states that workshops and writing programs have refined her writing ability, I believe, as Reik (1948) said about analysts, that writers are “born”: An introspective, compassionate, psychological orientation toward others cannot be taught, and these qualities permeate her writing. Her writing is literary, eloquent, and filled with feelings, while avoiding sentimentality. In fact, even if you do not read the clinical material (which would be a horrible mistake), you are left with a literary work of a love story with all the joy, pain, and anxieties that love engenders.
The book follows the trajectory of Sherby's husband's dying and eventual death, its impact on her clinical work, her selective disclosure of it to patients, and the topic of loss in treatment. While we may pride ourselves on our “analyzing or work egos,” the reality is that life events prey on us, and often, even if we are in touch with their affective component, our work with patients i