The thesis of this paper is that the intimate relationship offers an opportunity for transforming self-experience and resuming individual development. By applying theories of intersubjectivity, three levels of contextual relatedness are discussed. The first is that of the infant and caregiver, in which the self is developed and characterological styles of relating become entrenched, and from which stem the unconscious organizing principles that become activated in significant adult relationships. The second is the context of intimate partners and suggests that mate selection is based in a mutual dovetailing of narcissistic transference. This explains how the romantic illusion is shattered when internal conflicts between maintaining the selfobject tie and attempts to self-demarcate occur in the intersubjective context. The third is that of conjoint treatment, in which problems and solutions are viewed as two-person events. The therapist's task is to facilitate the de-construction of archaically derived interpretations through mutual self-validating interactions.