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The HIV pandemic in South Africa has tragically left a wake of vertically infected children who have suffered parental loss and social marginalization. Vertically infected HIV-positive children are those who have acquired the virus from their mother during pregnancy, childbirth, or breastfeeding. In this paper, the development and alienation of the self is explored in a psychoanalytically informed research case study of a black adolescent girl who was vertically infected with HIV and later fostered by a white mother. This case study explores the sociogenic meanings of raced maternal experiences and disease identified in a series of psychoanalytic interviews, using interpretive phenomenological analysis. Drawing from Melanie Klein, Franz Fanon and other feminist and post-colonial psychoanalytic theorists, the early primal raced and diseased scene is considered through internalizations and fixation on the body. Nosipho is first introduced through a short vignette and a discussion of her early maternal relational experiences. The paper then explores the ambivalence experienced by the participant as part of her HIV and raced lived experiences. HIV and raced subjectivities are both powerful internalized conscious as well as unconscious embodied experiences. For Nosipho, it has been a complicated process found in the shared dual mothering experiences between a biological mother who is black and the subsequent white maternal experiences. The interrogation of this embodied dual experiences of having black mothers who are HIV-positive whilst simultaneously having white mothering roles in children who are vertically infected with HIV is a terrain that is infused by deep contradictory and conflicting emotional and affective states around love and hate, joy and despair, fear, and hope, all at once. Consequently, holding both the HIV and the raced subjectivities is deeply painful for black children who are vertically infected with HIV.