You do not currently have permission to view the full text for this document. Please sign in to an account with an active subscription or contact support.
I'm in a dissociated state.
Other people might say I'm numb, robotic, going through the motions, “not all there.” But I'm a psychotherapist, so I recognize this sense of disconnection — a sad, distant mood — and I have a clinical label for it. Further, I know it means that something has happened that I can't digest emotionally. It's a mild state of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I've been jolted in a way that takes me out of my familiar and comfortable experience and function in the world. I've been traumatized — or, better, triggered — an experience and state close to trauma.
It happened suddenly. A new acquaintance, a chat about life in the city, our love for the outdoors, pleasant, personal common ground. Then, somehow, the tone had changed. I was in the middle off a tense interchange.
“I have a question for you. Where are you politically?” His question caught me off guard. I knew that he described himself as conservative. But surely, a New Yorker, the personally warm and open man I'd chatted with, was a moderate?
“Oh, yes, you're conservative.”
“Most definitely. Conservative. And you?”
“I'm on the liberal side.”
“What does that mean? How much are you behind our president?” I'm stunned at this point, feel I'm being interrogated. Where had the warm, relaxed man gone? How can we get back to the things we have in common — hiking, nature, travel? I try for humor — many conservatives don't approve of Trump's sexual behavior.
“Well, I'm not crazy about how he's treated women!”
“Oh, you're buying that stuff the media's putting out?” My heart
is sinking, and I'm wondering how to get off this train. Any way to get back to the two of us and off Trump? Or end this conversation, get away from this man? I'm trained to be polite. I keep trying. “I'm open to anyone with creative ideas for our culture. If Trump gets infrastructure going, gets jobs growing, I'm for that. But I have to say I haven't liked much of what he's doing.”