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It is a treat to have this written exchange with Dr. Diane Ehrensaft. Her careful reading of my paper, and her thoughtful and creative response to it, made me feel that my ideas were deeply considered and enhanced by her thinking. I also loved her focus on the songs of our youth.
Some of the resonant songs of my adolescent years are right on point for the topic of the day: The Four Tops' “I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch),” Carole King's “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman,” and Simon and Garfunkel's “Mrs. Robinson” are certainly on the hit list.
Just think, the idea behind “I Can't Help Myself” seemed to be that the guy loved this girl so much that he just couldn't imagine himself with anyone else. That's at some kind of pinnacle of devotion and desire, I'd say; a beautiful oedipal narrative … probably what we looked to attain in the relationships of our youth. After all, that's what was advertised as possible.
“You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman” made us wonder about what a “natural woman” was and whether that meant that there could be an unnatural one. The nature and meaning of
gender was definitely a major topic of discussion, just like what kind of relationship was ideal.
And then there was “Mrs. Robinson,” a song of forbidden cross-generational desire. It seemed both scandalous and delicious.
What we imagine to be sexy, how we imagine ourselves in our sexual relationships, toward whom our desire is directed, and how acceptable all of these are in the society in which we live: this is how I think of things oedipal.
Although the subject matter is constant, its nature is not, either in an individual's life over time or in a culture or historical period.
A few decades later, in the late '80's and early '90's, adolescents were tuned into songs that had lyrics like “I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me …” (“I'm Too Sexy,” Right Said Fred); or “This thing right here, Is letting all the ladies know, What guys talk about