I discuss 3 interrelated themes in this article. I propose a reconsideration of the role of the mother in psychoanalytic theory, particularly as she effects psychological developments forged in adulthood. After focusing almost exclusively on the maternal influence in infancy, the mother is then jettisoned out of psychoanalytic discourse, except for her brief and often hostile reappearance as the oedipal mother in adolescence. I argue that this theoretical purging falsifies human development and instead suggest that mothers have an enduring and changing impact on psychic structure long after infancy is over. The second theme is an extensive exploration of my own encounter with my mother's dying, which I use to illustrate the points outlined earlier. Finally, I discuss the psychological toll that institutional care places on parents and children.