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The author discusses shame as an internal conflict. The matrix of shame is viewed as consisting of conflicts arising from the intertwined emergence of the awareness of one's separateness and desire. Internal conflicts may emerge from symbiotic desires and strivings for separate love, from oedipal sexual desires as well as from aggression. Disappointments in desire for love and reciprocity may predispose one to shame. However, it is argued that shame arises only if these factors lead to an inner conflict between the ego and the ego ideal and feelings of unlovability. It is further argued that gender- specific features manifest themselves in shame. According to the author, moving into the realm of separate love from symbiotic love is especially hard work for a girl. Shame is influenced by the vicissitudes of the girl's change in object of love from mother to father. Women's unique physical experiences influence her shame as well. The female pleasures and treasures locate within her body and are invisible. Her genital body zones are linked to fecal and urethral zones and leaking fluids like menstrual blood and milk that make her body boundaries shamefully incontinent. Intrusion into her inner space by incest, rape or sexual abuse may evoke mortal shame. In the vulnerable area of motherhood, the woman's shame may be profound.
Shame arises as a stifling, often sudden feeling when people are revealed as being inadequate at the moment they express their innermost desires. Being humiliated or rejected is often related to shame. It is the opposite of honor, esteem, pride and satisfaction. Shame evokes the desire to hide, to crawl underground. Various protective mechanisms-denial of shame; projecting it onto others; turning shame into its opposite, shamelessness and arrogance; despising or mitigating others; denying value; being compelled to succeed or fears of success-can hide unbearable shame. Shame touches the entire self and is manifested as bodily reactions: blushing and paralysis.