In war the world falls into good and evil. This calls for clear positioning. A Ukrainian colleague demanded that the patient know which side the therapist is on. Dealing with this attack on the evenly suspended attention catapulted the author into a relationship determined by war. How do early childhood affects and drive impulses shape the relationship between people at war and those not at war? What psychological prerequisites contribute to finding a bearable way of facing the trauma of war? In lieu of an answer, Bion's war experiences and the soldiers’ calling for their mother point to the central function of the object relationship. Touching on Winnicott's concept of ruthless love, the author finally arrives at unconditional love as a prerequisite.