The following letter appeared in the Wall Street Journal, May 16, 1995. Reprinted with permission of the Wall Street Journal. ©1995 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All rights reserved.

Mary Eberstadt presents an unfortunate polemic against working mothers in her article “Putting Children Last” (editorial page, May 2). She virtually accuses these mothers (professional or otherwise) of “taking care of themselves” before they take care of their children. It's as if a working mother abandons her children when she goes to work. Ms. Eberstadt caricatures and distorts the work of “child-care experts” by concluding with the statement that “what today's enlightened parents are hearing—and often paying for—is the message that they are not so important to their children after all.” For example, Ms. Eberstadt seems to equate reports that attest to the value of day care with her idea that experts are advising parents to put their children last. Ms. Eberstadt does not dispassionately review the subject of child care—she has an ax to grind.

Should a mom stay at home full-time, should she work part-time, should she work full-time? It depends. Some moms are “better” moms because they are home full-time and other moms are “better” moms because they do work full-time. Each parent, as well as each child, is an individual with particular needs and each family is a distinct unit with its own demands. The requirements of the different members of the family are not always compatible with one another. Therefore, raising children is a very difficult task. Parents need support and guidance. However, a philosophy that indoctrinates mothers by stating there is only one right way to rear children does a great disservice to many of them as well as to their children.

Leon Hoffman, M.D.

Director, Parent Child Center

New York Psychoanalytic Society