The Parent Child Center of The New York Psychoanalytic Society is a place where parents and children gather weekly to interact with other parents and children in a cheerful and safe environment. Parents learn by sharing their concerns and questions with other parents and with a group leader, a child psychoanalyst, and other professionals who provide feedback regarding the child's play and interactions.
Every week, while the children play, the parents discuss various issues, including their child's development, behavior, and activity; the importance of play for children and parents; how young children and other family members affect one another; the wide range of normal behavior; and how to deal with troublesome issues in a positive and supportive manner. It is important for parents to know that there is no one “right” way to raise children. At the Parent Child Center, parents enhance their individual parenting styles. The center furthers learning and increases the joys in the relationship between parent and child, from birth to age three.
Now in its fifth year, the center has developed a technique of parent education that uses a parent-child focus. The groups are not simply parent discussion groups with parallel child play groups, nor are they simply parent-child activity groups. Parents discuss their questions with one another and with the group leader, play with their children, and watch their children play with other children, other parents, and the staff. The play of the children with the professionals in the group is used to demonstrate the importance of play for children and their parents. Parents' questions about their children often can be addressed most effectively by discussing the child's play and interactions in the group. Observing the interactions can help parents better understand their children's needs.
The child analyst facilitates discussion among the parents, who discuss their children's development, behavior, activity, and interactions at home, as well as their activity in the group. The child analyst provides general information about development, as well as appropriate observations on individualized issues. An important function of the center has been to help parents with children of similar ages develop friendships and extend their outside relationships. This group cohesion is of great help to parents.
The teacher/program coordinator develops activities for the children and supervises staff who work with the children. Staff observe the developmental levels of the children and participate in discussions with the parents, especially with regard to developmental observations. These observations are integrated during discussions, both with the program coordinator after the group and in weekly staff meetings, in order to enhance the communications to parents.
Themes of particular concern to parents include sleep problems; conflicts around babysitting arrangements; anxieties about leaving the baby; problems resulting from the father's absence from the child's life (although they are strongly encouraged, not many fathers have attended the groups); weaning; sibling rivalry; anxiety over anticipated changes; discipline; and differences of opinion between mother and father. Many mothers compare and contrast their manner of interacting with their child and their own mother's interaction with them. New mothers often voice a need for “permission” to be the mother (replacing their own mothers, so to speak). This concern is often accentuated with adoptive parents and with parents who have used in vitro fertilization.
A central issue for many parents involves accepting and dealing with the child's activity and aggression. This is a frequent concern at all developmental stages but particularly during the rapprochement crisis in the second year of life. At this stage, parents can have a difficult time, as the child struggles with a beginning sense of mastery and independent activity, often exhibiting anxious clinging behavior. Parents wonder about how to limit aggression appropriately; how to differentiate between activity and aggression; and how to cope with their own anxiety about the child's beginning exploration. Parental concern with the child's aggression may manifest itself in a variety of forms: (1) Excessive anxiety and ambivalence about the child's difficulty with sleep; excessive worry about sudden infant death syndrome; or anxiety about allowing the child to fall asleep by him- or herself. (2) Excessive anxiety about weaning and toilet training. (3) Many concerns about separation. (4) Problems with limit setting (“I am going to destroy my child if I get into a battle with him.” “How do I teach my child to assert himself? to defend himself?”). Some parents worry that they are too strict; others that they are too lenient. (5) Excessive anxiety about the child's beginning exploration. (6) Excessive fear of injury or other danger. (7) Conflict between too much control and too much gratification. One parent may feel that the other is either too strict or too indulgent. (8) Power struggles between parents with regard to whether a child should be confronted with fears or helped to avoid them. (9) Difficulties accepting a child's regression.
From the outset, the Parent Child Center has been a rewarding experience for both participants and staff. Regular discussions enable staff to learn and to continually refine their techniques. After each parent child group meeting, the teacher coordinator reviews the specific activities and interactions with staff. During weekly conferences information about the groups is shared and discussed among the entire staff. These discussions are extremely valuable, because in most situations there is no simple rule to learn and follow in a rote manner. Issues addressed continuously by the staff include (1) the importance of finding a balance between direct advice and advancing and furthering a discussion among the parents; (2) how best to discuss an individual dyad's problem within a group setting; (3) how best to include and integrate observations of the child's play and behavior in discussions with the parents; (4) how to deal with a develop-mentally delayed child; (5) how to introduce a problematic issue that the staff observes; and (6), since discussions among the parents occur within earshot of the children, how to sensitize parents to the child's reactions to the parent's affect even if the words are not understood.
Other important issues include problems encountered if groups are too large or too small; dos and don'ts when staff members model for parents; the pressures felt by single parents; the impact of divorce on children; problems with children who are difficult to comfort; autonomy and language development; and how best to work with children who have trouble leaving their mother's side in the group, who have tantrums, or who want to leave the group early.
The center has also worked with a fair number of twins and their parents. Important issues in this area include one twin's being more advanced than the other, or more needy, and the parents' paying more attention to the more demanding twin. Often parents feel ambivalent because of differences
between the children and their own different reactions to them.
Sometimes parents may request an individual consultation with the analyst leading the group. Although one or two meetings may be arranged for private discussion, ongoing individual work with them by the group leader would become problematic; if necessary, the parent is referred appropriately.
Many members of the New York Psychoanalytic Society are involved in the center. The Executive Committee consists of Leon Hoffman, director; Ted E. Becker; Donald Cohen; Michael Lack Fleisher; Salvatore Lomonaco; John B. McDevitt; and Henry Nunberg. The associate directors are Wendy Olesker, Roger A. Rahtz, and Susan P. Sherkow. The professional staff includes Anna Balas, Marlene Nunberg, Laura F. Rubinstein, Mary Sickles, and Lissa Weinstein. Francoise G. Graf is program coordinator.
Anyone wishing further information about the center may contact the director, the program coordinator, or other members of the staff.