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Budapest, April 27, 1910
VII., Erzsébet-körút 54
Dear Professor,
I have rather gotten out of the habit of saying “no”; still, I think that the somewhat resigned mood of my last letter has less to do with the impressions of Nuremberg than with the personal events to which I recently alluded. In your reply you advised somewhat more resignation; as an obedient pupil I seem to have obeyed you immediately. But there is no question that in all this, the events at Nuremberg may have increased my sensitivity at the opposite pole (private life). One constantly vacillates back and forth between homosexual (public-communal) and heterosexual (exclusive, private) interests. If one deceives oneself here, one then seeks solace there and suddenly perceives the personal situation which one has perhaps already previously accepted with resignation as unbearable. I repeat, however, that this time actual events (a paranoid would say: a concentrated attack against all of us) also helped to bring about the depression.
The mood swing, however, had already been analytically dissolved at the time of my last letter; I feel well, am working very hard, and find much satisfaction in work. My sleep, the indicator of my mental condition, is restful and undisturbed by anxiety dreams.—The plan to invite Brill immediately aroused my slumbering brother complex. [I want to tell you how I came upon it. I received your letter during an analytic hour and didn't have time to read it; but in my impatience I skimmed through the letter and immediately discovered the place where you talk about the invitation to Brill. Then I put the letter in my pocket—but it was not until an hour after the end of the analysis that I remembered that I hadn't yet read the letter.]1 The analysis of this symptomatic omission helped me to recognize that I have something against this invitation; a further deepening of this train of thought convinced me, however, that I can't raise any objection to the invitation other than the unjustif