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Budapest, November 26, 1911
VII., Erzsébet-körút 54
Dear Professor,
Your fatherly speech had an immediate effect on me. It made me laugh heartily. On the other hand, it made me think, and I had to admit you were right about everything.—Theoretically, I knew, of course, that one can't eradicate one's “complexes” (I've taught my patients that for years), but in practice I seem to have sinned against this wisdom: I wanted to be something other than I really am and wanted to have you different than you are. I was evidently demanding an alignment of our personalities: either you come down to me or I have to raise myself to you. Only seldom was I objective enough to see that we can exist well alongside each other, be happy with each other, while at the same time dispensing with this forced alignment; one then joyfully gives and takes as much as one can willingly give and take. I know, by the way, that this insight does not yet mean the definitive end to my “struggle for liberation”; but perhaps I will be successful in removing the element of crisis in this developmental process. In any case, I thank you for your kindness in playing the role of the father, as long as I need such a thing; perhaps I will yet have the experience of extending my hand to you as a free man. (This fantasy, by the way, corresponds to my observation that in a dream friend always means father, i.e., a father who deigns to live with his son in a bond of friendship.)
I am now so busy that I don't yet know for certain whether I can come to the Wednesday session. If I come, I will let you know in advance.
My public lectures here are attracting some attention; the enthusiastic listeners are making noise all over town; a humoristic periodical is making fun of me and analysis and is getting publicity for me by intimating (derisively) that I charge fifty crowns for a session. The Äzte1 is good!
I am analyzing a young, very intelligent woman with jealousy mania, but who has conscious homosexual interests as well.