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Budapest, December 3, 1911
VII., Erzsébet-körút 54
Dear Professor,
I still have no right to declare myself mature—the pressing need to report to you about personal events that concern me is a sure sign of my infantile attitude.—It was sufficient that you wrote a word about your understanding of my difficult situation, and already I have to tell you everything.—
Things are proceeding more rapidly than I imagined they would. I was not able to maintain the cool detachment of the analyst with regard to Elma, and I laid myself bare, which then led to a kind of closeness which I can no longer put forth as the benevolence of the physician or of the fatherly friend.—I know and share your view of the Janus character of the neurotic, and it is precisely this conviction that toughened my resolve, again and again, to resist temptation. Perhaps in the end my sight was clouded by passion—in any event, I can't perceive anything in Elma's character that would have prevented me inwardly from approaching her. My situation is made easier—and more difficult—by Frau G.'s incomparably kind, unstintingly kind and loving attitude toward me—she has been told everything. I harbor the most tender feelings toward her—I feel terribly sorry for her.
She knows that I am writing to you and asks you through me to compel me to make a quick decision.
From an analytic point of view I have to conceive of the matter in such a way as to conclude that Elma became especially dangerous to me at the moment when—after that young man's suicide—she badly needed someone to support her and to help her in her need. I did that only too well, even though I held my tenderness in check with difficulty for the moment. But the path was cleared—and now, to all appearances, she has won my heart.
You know me, my wish for a family; you also know Frau G., her good qualities, and her only disadvantage1 —as well as the weak point of my organism (albuminuria).2 Perhaps you can call my attention to something that could be of use to