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Budapest, June 10, 1912
VII., Erzsébet-körút 54
Dear Professor,
You have correctly interpreted my scientific enthusiasm. At the moment of writing the letter I didn't know it yet, but soon thereafter it became clear to me that displacements in my libidinal cathexis are in process. The analysis with Elma is going very, very slowly; she is clearly forcing herself to do it and is using (mostly ucs.) every opportunity for obstruction. In the last few days she suddenly started talking about “feelings of regret” (with respect to her mother); of course, I knew immediately that she has become tired of the thing and that the marriage does, in fact, not mean as much to her as the analysis is painful. A fantasy of being abandoned by me confirmed my supposition. Accordingly, I am inwardly taking (and have already ucs. taken) measures to organize myself without her and without marriage.—My tender relationship with Frau G. is in part regaining its value, and my scientific interest is increasing.—In today's hour Elma was quite ill; she didn't say a word; I think she is struggling inwardly but doesn't have the courage to make a decision. She would obviously prefer to have me send her away, but I won't do that, in her interest. She should at least profit from the affair to the extent that she comes to an independent decision; otherwise a “feeling of inferiority” would be left behind. But it is even now not completely out of the question that a change will take place in her at the last minute; were that to happen, then I would naturally still consider whether I should build my house on such a shaky foundation. For me, personally, this year of trial has also not been without lasting value; I have learned how little one is capable on one's own of evaluating one's theoretical knowledge about mental processes and one's practical experiences with third persons, if one doesn't analyze oneself just as methodically.
June 14
This letter seemed to characterize my mood of the moment, but not the tota