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Budapest, Hotel Royal January 17, 1916
Dear Professor,
I have finally unmasked as resistance the petty subterfuges with which I again and again postponed writing letters to you; after some reluctance I decided to report to you—as always—honestly about the processes in me.
I made—as I wrote to you—Frau G. aware of my marriage plans. The cheerful mood afterwards lasted twenty-four hours. But already the beginning
of the unavoidable clash between Frau G. and Herr Pálos brought a swing in mood. I was immediately placed into the Ψ situation in which I was at the time of the inner division on account of Elma: my libido was withdrawn from Frau G.; after cessation of my sexual overestimation I saw with gruesome clarity the changes brought about by age which were evident in her. But in contrast to my condition the time before, this feeling of inner emptiness was not followed by any psychic or somatic illness. At most, the fact that for about a week I have had somewhat irregular stool, and an upset stomach with some fever for two days, could be interpreted as sexual-neurotic. On two occasions, which were especially suited to allow Frau G.'s ethical loftiness and intellectual clarity to shine, I felt the return of that “stirring” with respect to her which often came over me much more strongly during the Elma time.
Frau G. naturally feels this vacillation—without talking about it—and also found the means to postpone the decision; despite all this she remains truly devoted to me.
I haven't gotten very far with settling the matter analytically, although up to now I have made only two attempts to do so.
My sudden cooling off upon learning that the conflict with Herr Pálos was imminent is a copy of the sudden break with Elma when she was requested by her father to postpone the engagement. The father fixation won out perhaps then as now; I don't want to say anything against the will of the father. This fixation probably allows me to withdraw my heterosexual libido from the woman every