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Budapest, January 24, 1916
Dear Professor,
I know, to be sure, that “arguments are as plenty as blackberries” (I have heard that often enough from you),1 but I couldn't prevent rational objections
against your tip (not to analyze during action) from arising in me. I thought to myself: better during than after a—perhaps useless—act.—So far the “consciousness” that I allowed to come to expression without following it. In reality, I simply followed your well-meant advice and expedited the decision with Frau G. in a positive sense. (She would like to wait until Elma's return from America [month of May], since she promised to take her if she [Elma]2 didn't feel happy in marriage. I am protesting vehemently against this delay, but I can't completely conceal my inner division to Frau G.). A bad—neurotically exacerbated, I presume—malaise in Frau G. this past week probably showed me something out of her disturbed ucs.—Consciously, she is as kind and dear as ever.—
Frau G. will get in touch with you by letter one of these days. Forgive the effort and bother that is expected of you as a father-imago.
You write in your last letter that I didn't discover “the most important thing” [das Entscheidende] in the cigarette case dream. In reading the letter I made a slip: I read: “das Einschneidende” [the cutting-in]; this then led to associations to birth and castration fantasies.
That the latter make a strong contribution to my present constitution is proved, among other things, by painful erections along with faltering Ψ. libido, as well as paresthesias on the penis and a herpes rash there as well. (I consider the latter to be altogether psychically determined; as is the case with burn blisters through suggestion.)
I see that one ought not to let oneself be confused in one's life's plans by infantile castration fears, and I admit without a second thought that self-analysis is futile in such a case.
I am quite willing to work for the Zeitschrift. Have everything sent to my address.—I, my