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Budapest, July 10, 1916
Dear Professor,
Once I realized that the idea that I couldn't write to you before I could report to you over a longer period of time was an attempt at continuing the psychoanalytic resistance, I soon had so much to share that a further postponement seemed nonsensical.
Above all, I think I can establish that these three weeks were the decisive ones in my life and for my life. I find my psychic attitude toward almost all things and persons changed. Today I said to Gisella1 that I have become another person, one who is less interesting but more normal. I also admitted to her that something in me pities the old, somewhat unsettled man, who was nonetheless capable of such great enthusiasm (and certainly often needlessly depressed). I had—I told her—withdrawn the libido from many objects and not yet appended it onto new ones. I know that this was the repetition of former similar confessions, which at the time, however, were crowned with lamentable failure, so that I rushed to recant them. (E.g., 1.) in tearing up that diary about my inner doubts, 2.) in the sudden infidelity with Elma, 3.) after the repeated attempts at infidelity with other women, etc.)—This time I could recant and won't recant; instead I believe, and I hope, that what still in reality binds me to G. will unimpededly find expression. But if it proves to be illusory, I will not hesitate to take the consequences.—I do think that your uncertainty as to whether one writes “Thursdai” or “Thursday”2 did—and rightly so—relate to my case.
The improvement in the pseudo-organic symptoms persists. Last night [I] had a type of anxious sleep that I still haven't told you about, which was accompanied by a dream. Probably an indication that I still have work to do on myself. If you permit, instead of simple autoanalysis I want to attempt to analyze the particular occurrences in my letters to you; the transference will certainly “fecundate” me.
But this time I will still let it be.
The four hours that