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Dr. S. Ferenczi
vii., Nagydiofa-Utca 3.
Budapest, January 17, 1930
Dear friend,
You see, I am beginning again with a parapraxis! I just read your letter through once again, sat down, in order to write to you, and, look there: instead of the “Professor,” I suddenly see the friend on the paper, in black and white. That immediately changed the whole, rather depressing, mood in which I found myself since the receipt of your letter, and I decided to let the parapraxis stand simply as a sign of my real feelings.
Now, in the relationship between you and me, it is (at least in me) a matter of the most diverse conflicts of feeling and attitude. First you were my revered teacher and unattainable model, for whom I harbored the, as you well know, not completely unalloyed feelings of an apprentice. Then you became my analyst, but the unfavorable conditions did not permit carrying out my analysis to completion. I was especially sorry that you did not comprehend and bring to abreaction in the analysis the partly only1 transferred, negative feelings and fantasies. As is well known, no analysand can do that without help, [not] even I, with my years of experience with others. For that, a very laborious self-analysis was necessary, which I carried out