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July 15, 1896
My dear Wilhelm,
Just received your letter and was pleased about everything I shall hear from you. A pity, though, that I am not sure when. For the situation is this: the old fellow has paralysis of the bladder and rectum, is failing nutritionally, and at the same time is mentally overalert and euphoric. I truly believe that these are his last days but do not know how long he has and do not dare to leave, least of all for two days and for a pleasure I would like to indulge in fully. To meet you in Berlin, to hear about the new magic from you for a few hours, and then suddenly to have to rush back during the day or night because of news which might turn out to be a false alarm — that is something I really want to avoid, and to this fear I sacrifice the burning desire once again to live fully, with head and heart simultaneously, to be a zoon politikon [social animal], and, moreover, to see you.
If the old man's condition no longer presents an obstacle, the temporal circumstances are as follows: from today until July 26 you are in a bad period, and I am frantically trying to “finish” several people and a last flicker of my practice. Therefore, I would rather see you in August, after the 26th, when I begin my vacation (always presupposing that I can do so). Your better week, it seems to me, falls in that period, or did you not last time underline 5 in black for me? In August, then, I could choose your time period as well as your location, which I should like to do for the sake of your head[aches]. In September, until the middle of it, I could do the same. You can see that I want to enjoy life.