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Vienna, Monday
June 30, 1884
My beloved girl
I am so glad we now see eye to eye and that you won't have to reproach yourself for anything while waiting for me. I am also so happy in anticipation of the beautiful days we are going to spend together. I know that at this point you want to interrupt: I must not anticipate anything so as to avoid disappointment. But, Marty, the beauty of these days depends on ourselves alone and not on the weather, not on the moods of other people, nor on the good or bad news that may come in the meantime. I want to bring back from the journey nothing but the certainty, the final conviction that you are utterly mine-in your attitude, great love, and all the little signs of affection. To take a retrospective glance as you do is quite justified; I really think I have always loved you much more than you me, or, more correctly: until we were separated you hadn't surmounted the primum falsum of our love-as a logician would call it-i.e., that I forced myself upon you and you accepted me without any great affection. I know it has finally changed and this success, which I wanted more than anything else, and the prolonged absence of which has been my greatest misery, gives me hope for the other successes which I still need.
Do you remember how you often used to tell me that I had a talent for repeatedly provoking your resistance? How we were always fighting, and you would never give in to me? We were two people who diverged in every detail of life and who were yet determined to love each other, and did love each other. And then, after no hard words had been exchanged between us for a long time, I had to admit to myself that you were indeed my beloved, but so seldom took my side that no one would have realized from your behavior that you were preparing to share my life; and you admitted that I had no influence over you. I found you so fully matured and every corner in you occupied, and you were hard and reserved and I had no power over you. This resis