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Vienna, Tuesday
May 26, 1885
My precious darling
It would seem that as a result of the sympathy existing between us, your Whitsun has been no better than mine; that would
be bad. Did you never wonder when you left Vienna how we should ever meet again? Don't you remember how pleased I was when you promised me to remain here? I was well aware what I should have to thank your fond relations for. As yet I see no road leading to Wandsbek this year. My American is good for only forty florins a month, if he lasts, and altogether won't produce more than 120 florins. Of this sum at least half will have to be put aside for Mother. The traveling grant wouldn't get me to you before October, but how glad I would be even of that! You know what we will do? We will just sit still and be discontented, I think, and that's all.-I am not so fond and capable of work as I should be; perhaps lack of sleep is to blame. Whitsunday night I was at Fleischl's again, and consider the tangible benefit of such a night, the intellectual elation, the stimulation and the clarifying of so many opinions, well worth the loss of sleep. But at 4 A.M. I am afraid I fell asleep in his armchair, and when I woke at 6:30 his face showed its tenderest, most suffering expression, and he was writing a treatise. This magic world of intellect and unhappiness contributes a great deal, of course, toward estranging me from my surroundings; I have seldom felt so uncomfortable in the hospital as I do now. My work is also proceeding very slowly. I expect the paper to appear at the beginning of June.
I have unfavorable news about the traveling grant which I trust will be decided on Saturday. When I went to introduce myself to Dittel1 not long ago, he told me that one of my rivals, the more dangerous of the two, is going to withdraw on account of his “youth.” Now, my hope was that the Christian and to me hostile votes would be divided between the two other applicants, so that neither could equal my number of votes, as I am