“Only in the Meeting”: An Unexpected Visitor

“If we go on our way and meet a man who has advanced toward us and has also gone on his own way, we know only our part of the way, not his—his we experience only in the meeting.” (Martin Buber, 1958, p. 76)

Underlying philosophical influences and views of the human condition inevitably become reflected in the work of clinicians of all persuasions. As I began to question my own biases and assumptions, a particular patient, who I saw over 20 years ago while working at a clinic, came to mind. From time to time, this woman emerges in the foreground of my thoughts as I consider my interaction with different patients.

Miss L was a young woman in her early twenties. She had long dark hair, dark lipstick, and dark eyes that seemed to gaze blankly. At the same time, she appeared wide-eyed, childlike, and questioning. Miss L wore black leather pants, a black shirt, and high boots. Without demonstrable emotion, she related some of her S&M activities, which included sticking long pins into her boyfriend. She was a cosmetologist who preferred her specialty of making up deceased people. In addition, she was studying dog grooming. Her own pets included snakes and three iguanas.

Despite all her darkness and sadism, Miss L seemed like a little girl, occasionally wearing a short red plaid skirt, white shirt, and socks and shoes. She was often distressed over the fact that her parents and sister would not visit her in her apartment. This was linked to their disapproval of