Remembering a Parent Who Has Died: A Developmental Perspective

Mourning has been described as a painful task stimulating intense reactions of anger, yearning, and despair. Its ultimate goal is the relinquishing of emotional bonds to a loved person who has died. The Institute of Medicine report, “Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences and Care” (1984) lists three basic requirements in order for mourning to occur: (1) an understanding of the concept of death; (2) the ability to form a genuine attachment; and (3) possession of a mental representation of the attachment figure. I will be concentrating on this last prerequisite by exploring the parental memories of bereaved children between three and sixteen years of age. I hope thus to elucidate the developmental patterns which shape the parental image over time. As these patterns are delineated, further insight into the mourning process may be achieved.

Before considering memory in childhood, I would like to convey the ways in which recollections serve the bereaved adult. Memory plays a prominent role for adults in four separate situations. First, memories appear soon after the occurrence of a death has been comprehended. At this time, associations, images, and even hallucinations inundate the bereaved individual. Parkes (1972) has written about the vivid recollections reported to him by widows and widowers following the demise of a spouse. In this