Drawing on the six stages identified by Henton and Midgley (2012) in the narratives of five child psychotherapists involved in the IMPACT study on their evolving attitudes towards participation in outcome research, this paper explores another child psychotherapist’s internal and external world experiences of writing a National Institute of Health Research grant application for a randomised controlled trial feasibility study. It makes use of the key associations that came to mind on first reading Henton and Midgley’s article, outlines the practical and emotional stages of developing the grant proposal and briefly considers some of the wider implications of this kind of work on a personal, organisational and professional level.