Sibling Recognition and the Development of Identity: Intersubjective Consequences of Sibling Differentiation in the Sister Relationship

Identity is, among other things, a means to adapt to the others around whom one must fit. Psychoanalytic theory has highlighted ways in which the child fits in by emulating important others, especially through identification. Alternately, the child may fit into the family and around important others through differentiation, an unconscious process that involves developing or accentuating qualities and desires in oneself that are expressly different from the perceived qualities of another person and simultaneously suppressing qualities and desires that are perceived as similar. With two clinical vignettes centered on the sister relationship, the author demonstrates that recognition of identity differences that result from sibling differentiation carries special significance in the sibling relationship and simultaneously poses particular intersubjective challenges. To the extent that the spotlight of sibling recognition delimits the lateral space one may occupy, repeatedly frustrated desires for sibling recognition may have enduring consequences for one's sense of self-worth and expectations of relationships with peers and partners.